Abi's journals

I miss her... alot.

So this one time we dressed as zombies and walked for five hours around the city and got peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and beer afterward... heres photos.

I made some fried rice with chicken, onion, pineapple and egg. I did it while wearing camo pants and a wifebeater.

Decided I cook better when I wear comfy pants. My job should embrace this, but it doesnt.
I don't understand why the fuck whatever marketing dudes in... where ever, try to push that Hard Lemonade thing at guys. Thats the least fuckin manly drink I ever seen in my days. "Someone's gotta be hard". Right. Thats the booze you bring to a party to pick up on chicks who giggle when you talk to them. "Oh, you don' gotta drink all that straight liquor, have one of these, its like a soda, come sit on my lap. Suck my cock, sweetheart, will ya?" 's some bullshit. Sip that shit with an umbrella an a thumb up yer ass.

Gin tastes like pine trees. I don' mind that so much.

Those coffee energy drink things, what the hell is this? They got ones now thats complete false advertising. It just says "White Russian" on the can, got pictures of the commie country and shit on it. I figure its got booze in it, it don't. Just made to taste like it does. FUCKING WASTE OF TIME. Thats like that O'Douls or whatever, why fuckin bother. Drink or don't. What underage kid wants a fake white russian? No kid likes Kahluah.

Misguidied target marketing is about as good as a condom pack that includes a hole-punch.

"You'll never live like common people,
you'll never do whatever common people do,
you'll never fail like common people,
you'll never watch your life slide out of you and dance and drink and screw
cause theres nothing else to do"

More sweet psuedo-lesbian lovemaking:

I almost lost half my finger at work today. ZACH did your fingertips ever grow back after that one time? I'm already missing half the feeling in the thumb on that same hand, my index wouldn't be a good thing to lose as well.

In the meantime, I have to be up and go straight back to work in a few hours. I miss skating and drinking.

Abi Oozi is barely this photo anymore.



Abi Oozi is a workaholic.

She is a sexual rubix cube.

She is tired.

She is going to stay in hibernation for a while longer.

She is going to eat the Constitution.

Your dream dinner party, you can invite five people. Who do you bring and why, and where would it be? My picks:

1.) Steven Jesse Bernstein - Because he's the most verbosely beautiful nut-job I've ever heard.
2.) Francessca Lia Block - I want her to sit on the coffee table while we all drink wine and she tells us stories.
3.) Fiona Apple - I want her. I've wanted her since I was a kid, still want her now. Would do so many awful things to her. Oh, and "This world is BULLSHIT!"
4.) James Dean - The last renaissance man. He just has to come to my party. Thats that.
5.) Marilyn Monroe - If I give her enough champagne, she'll sleep with me. Thats my plan. And I want her to lay on my piano and sing I'm Through With Love while everyone smokes and lounges on sofas.

My sexy party would be in a canyon in a googie-style house freestanding in the rocks. No roads or phones allowed.

I'm tired and bored so I'm rooting around the site seeing whose fav's I'm in. So far its Chelsea, Marley, Charlotte, Mame... I dunno. Its like if we were in high school who would sit at your lunch table.

Date went well. There were about four pairs of hands on me and in my clothes at all times and I can't say it was bad. I actually got hit on! By women! AND NOT ALL OF THEM WERE DRUNK AND NONE OF THEM WERE UGLY. Thats never happened before. I just don't get hit on much. And I don't 'go clubbin'. But this was fun. I felt purtty.

I know what I want in a girl now. This is it:





Also, a challenge. The best-worst thing you could make into "on Ice!". Like in Death To Smoochy.