After going on a long search to the end of the earth and back, through hell and high water, I finally tracked down The Dwarves myspace page to harass them into doing an interview with me. Arms were twisted, teeth were pulled, but finally, I was able to convince them to answer my ridiculously awesome and magical questions. The Dwarves are the self-proclaimed best looking band in show business. They are punk rock glory wonders that hail from all over, but call San Francisco home. They will be touring in the early months of the year. You can see their dates in our "tour to see" section... and, on with the interview :
Erin - Tell us where you hail from.
Blag - I’m from Illinois where people always tell you to get a fucking job. We moved to California 20 years ago to avoid getting one.
Erin - So, tell me, how do you feel about the world coming to an end with all this global warming business?
Blag - I'm agin' it!
Erin - How do you feel about renaming 'Polar Bear' to 'Snow Bear"
Blag - Those things are cute but, they'll rip your lungs out.
Erin - so you're into snow bear then?
Blag - Make mine Snow Bunny/ Polar Kitten.
Erin - I heard a little rumor you guys will be starting a tour on January 24th. Why are you going to be in New York when I'm not there?
Blag - Because we're fucking stupid. What a good looking specimen you are!
Erin - Who IS Johnny Glue?
Blag - A guy from Arizona who's face looked like it had been glazed with a hockey stick. His girl Kiki played with needles. Ah... the 80's.
Erin - On your tour, you'll be going to my motherland (Canada), how many snow bears do you think are left in Canada?
Blag - I should have known such a fine healthy creature like yourself came from our neighbor Latvia to the north. Why does such a retarded place have better comedians and women than we do?
Erin - I'm not sure whether to be offended or flattered. Why do you hate all the snow bear questions?
Blag - More importantly, Erin, will you be my li’l Snow Bear aka Polar Kitten, Ice Ocelot?
Erin - I'm not good at being big, white, furry and cold but I'll see what I can do. Will you put my mother on the list for your next Toronto show?
Blag - If she doesn't hold a grudge about me being your dad. Dun Dun Dunnnnn.
Erin - If you had to describe your band in 3 words, what would they be?
Blag - Best Band Ever
Erin - Who makes up the dwarves right now?
Blag - HeWhoCanNotBeNamed - guitar, Fresh Prince of Darkness - guitar, Chip Fracture - bass, Dutch Ovens - drums and me, well, I'm Blag the Mother-fucking Ripper!
Erin - Now, you say that you are the best looking band in show business, do you think there is one particular member that makes you the best looking band or is it just the band as a whole?
Blag - It's mostly me. We've had some cuter guys, but I fired them out of jealousy.
Erin - Did you meet any ninja's in Japan?
Blag - No, I met a Brazilian jiu jitsu instructor who folded me up like a pretzel.
Erin - when you say human pretzel, is that like 'i can give myself a blowie' pretzel or a 'I'm in a position i should never be in' pretzel?
Blag - It’s a ‘she’s way stronger than me and I better do what she wants position.’ Naturally, I submitted with a whimper.
Erin - I think I might pay money to see this happen....What's your favorite album released thus far?
Blag - Must Die has the most variety. Blood Guts, the most punk rock and Young and Good Looking is the most... pop?
Erin - What if I told you I was a unicorn?
Blag - I'd insist you spear me with your horn
Erin - I will definitely work something out for you. We'll just have to be in the same place at the same time... make it happen. Ready, GO! The song "Big Balls", was that named after my best friend or are there other men out there with insanely large balls?
Blag - That's an AC/DC track, but yes, my testicles are huge.
Erin - Do you think its possible for me to lock up 12 of my favorite musicians in a basement somewhere, feed them twice a day and take Steve Albini hostage to produce 12 new albums for me to listen to for the rest of the year and not let them go until they're done? If yes, will you help me?
Blag - Albini is a nerd who even made Nirvana sound bad. He's got glasses with no actual glasses in them.
Erin - I suppose that mean's you're not going to help me... I will keep on my search to find help...
To end our lovely little interview I would just like to say that you can pick up all kinds of awesome shit on The Dwarves website like the FEFU tour dvd and Blag's book NINA at www.thedwarves.com Over and out. *CSHHH* (radio sound)
:: more : myspace.com/thedwaves : thedwarves.com : godsgirls.com/tour_thedwarves ::
