J-ZONE
interview by Farhaad

Pimps don't pay taxes, but sometimes they agree to sit down and answer a few questions. This week J-Zone tells me how to pick up chicks, and agrees that gas prices are bullshit. Enjoy, folks.

Haad: First thing's first, how's grandma?

J-Zone: Actually, she's in the hospital now. There was a little scare early in the week, but she's doing much better now. I'm gonna bring her back home tomorrow. She's in her 80s now, so things start happening more often. I keep a more watchful eye on her now, but she's in good health for her age and she's tough and evil as ever, so she'll be aight! She's damn near a mother to me and supported me through it all, so I hate to see her sick.

Haad: And what's good with Zone? Are you working on that jump shot?

J-Zone: Yeah man, that 15 footer is water right now. I only play one on one and HORSE. Basketball starts killing your body as you get older, so I'm done with pick-up and playground ball. These kids out here will undercut you if you drive to the hole! So I just shoot jumpers like the soft ass Dallas Mavericks. I cover high school hoops in the NY Metro area and do NBA trash talk for Slam Magazine's website now too.

Haad: Alright, I don't wanna take shots at your game. I listened to "A Friendly Game of Basketball." I ain't trying to make it onto part 2. What are you working on musically? Do you have a new solo album in the works? Working on beats for people? Another collab album..?!

J-Zone: Nah, fuck it, you may as well take shots cause there's no Part 2. I'm completely retired from rapping. I stopped recording in 2006 and performing in 2007. I'm still producing though, that's my first love and you don't look foolish doing it into your 30's and 40's. I recently did beats for Del Tha Funky Homosapien, Tha Alkaholiks, Large Professor, Sadat X, Lil Fame of M.O.P., and some others. I just put out a remix EP for fun called Hi-Top Fade Not Included. I remixed some Ice-T and Biggie cuts, cause old acapellas always inspire me. I DJ as much as I can. I have a DJ team with my partner DJ $heep from Australia called Extra CHee$e. I also have my monthly mixshow Gator$-n-Fur$ with my co-host Chief Chinchilla that I post on my myspace page for free download. It's also on iTunes as part of the Execute Sounds Pod cast and hosted on UGHH. I also just had my music placed in a Dodge commercial that's been airing a lot on BET and VH1 and some other channels. I'd like to get some more corporate work like that because you actually get paid well! I really wanna produce an album for one artist, but maybe not in the same market I was in. Like some funk or some bugged Nate Dogg meets Son Of Bazerk shit that probably won't sell, haha.

Haad: I wanna talk about Every Hog Has It's Day, the album you did with Celph Titled back in 06. How did that whole idea come about?

J-Zone: Me and Celph been homies for years, largely because we both liked a lot of old west coast and southern old school rap like Poison Clan, Too $hort, Tweedy Bird Loc, Willie D, Suga Free, B-Legit, etc. We were both living in NYC and surrounded by east coast boom bap. We like that stuff and we're known for it (more so him than me), but we both wanted to do an album influenced by all that old school regional rap cause nobody in our subgenre had ever done it. We were just having fun, talking shit and doing funny ass concepts. Nothing serious at all, but we worked real hard on it. It took us a year to do, which is much longer than all my other albums. Like the execution and mixing were real meticulous, but because it was so outlandish and silly it got an unfair label of novelty rap or parody. It was pretty slept on as far as our catalogs go, and it caught a lot of people off guard. Being I'm in NY and he had moved back to Florida, the time we had in the studio was limited, so a lot was done through the mail. But the little skit after "Cocksucka," we thought that up walking through a mall in Tampa when I went there for vacation and to take the cover and press photos. And in "Bitch That Ain't Luv!," when Celph said "I smacked her with the Bisquick box," I actually had an old box of Bisquick mix in my food closet. And we pulled it out and actually smacked it for the adlib, haha.

Haad: I've gotta say that's one of more the refreshing albums that I listened to in recent years. It was like my life in rhyme, really; Misogyny, malt liquor, and giving the Beatles no credit.

J-Zone: Good looking. Haha, yeah, we got a gang of hate for that album.

Haad: Do you still drive that Mazda Protégé? I got a broke ass Civic. Hoes don't wanna ride in my shit, especially in the summer. The passenger side window doesn't go down, and I ain't fucking with that A/C. Gas is too high.

J-Zone: Yes sir. Just got the oil changed today. You're probably better off putting them in the trunk, its cooler in there. 87 gas is just under $4 a gallon here. It's crazy.

Haad: Judging by your raps, I would think that there's some kind of anti J-Zone committee started by some feminist. Is there?

J-Zone: Oh yes. My name rang bells for trouble at shows. I'm a little older and done with rapping, so I'm a tad more laid back now. But I still like to put those types in their place, especially when they live foul on the low. If you know those jokes don't pertain to you, you won't take offense. A lot of women loved my shit, because they were smart enough and secure enough to get the jokes and know I wasn't talking about them specifically. It was just entertainment and venting to me. The funny shit is, all the artists those type of women like, that talk all righteous...them dudes got kids by 5 different women and do foul shit in real life. So it would make me go even harder at those types.

Haad: It doesn't seem like luck is on your side a lot. Are the stories you tell on "Block Itch," (A song about getting cock blocked) "Disco Ho," (A song about getting injured on the dance floor of a club and getting laughed at) or "Lightweight," (a song about being drunk and fucking with a fatty) true stories?

J-Zone: Haha, yeah I got pretty lousy luck socially. "Block Itch" was true, but I never knocked the kid out. I just ditched them at a bar. "Disco Ho," I never hurt myself dancing but I just can't stand it when you meet a girl and she wants to head to the dance floor. No salsa, no meringue, no fancy footwork, no shit. I just refuse to dance unless it's the Zone Shuffle or the Running Man. And I just hate clubs with a passion. Always did. Especially looking for women. I refuse to buy drinks for random girls in the bar/club. Never. Not so much as a damn Corona. I did it once and man, I'm still mad. I wanna find girls at the library. "Lightweight" may or may not be 100% true. I can't remember what happened after that last Long Island Iced Tea. I quit drinking last year, so I haven't went "hoggin" lately.

Haad: Devin the Dude is one of my heroes, how'd "Greater Later" come together? And, why hasn't there been anything done with Devin since?

J-Zone: Yeah, he's a class act. Criminally underrated and a real cool humble and talented cat, which is a rare combination in this biz. That brother really has no ego, haha. I got with him through Matt So Real who used to write for Murder Dog Magazine. Matt gave me his e-mail, so I e-mailed him and left him my number, not expecting shit. He calls me the same day like "What up?" I was buggin'! I sent him the $ick Of Bein' Rich CD to make sure he liked what I did, because I don't wanna work with anybody if the respect ain't mutual. He was digging it, so I sent him beats and 2 weeks later I had a verse and hook in my mailbox. I was honored to have him on my album, and he picked a few beats from me awhile back but nothing ever materialized. I hope to work with him again soon.

Haad: Let's talk basketball. Most of the males on this site wear nut hugging jeans, and don't know who Darryl Dawkins is. Maybe some of the dykes do. Anyway, How are you enjoying the NBA playoffs? (What happened with your Warriors?)

J-Zone: Man I'm pissed at Denver getting the 8 seed over the Warriors. The Warriors would have at least run the Lakers out the gym for 2 games. The Nuggets suck. No disrespect to Iverson, Najera and J.R. Smith, I like them. But the rest of them dudes is Aloe & Lanolin Palmolive soft. The Mavericks are soft too, and it ain't Avery's fault they lost. They shoulda fired the players, not him. On the other hand, Mike D'Antoni needs to learn that you cannot beat the Spurs in a man to man defense, with his non coaching ass. Put a zone on Parker and Ginobili to keep them out the lane, then put them on their asses when they try to get in the paint. I bet Ginobili won't flop no more after that. No sir. But the NBA is so soft, Bill Lambeer must be dying. That's the one thing I like about the Wizards. They ain't great, but they're trying to put LeBron on his ass every time, straight goonin'. LeBron is so good, that's the only way you can stop him, so you gotta go Detroit Bad Boys on him. I wanna see more flagrant fouls, because after the 04 brawl, the NBA became girl scout ball. You gotta be a goon out there. All these finesse players...I feel like I'm watching a Pantene commercial. That was aight, Imma steal that for my next blog. I say Lakers Vs Celtics for the final. Celtics in 7.

Haad: Where can I get a Bitch Magnet T-shirt?

J-Zone: Hiphopsite had em for a limited time when you bought $ick Of Bein Rich. They don't have them no more.

Haad: I forgot I worked for a porno site. Have you ever heard of, or browsed Godsgirls.com before this interview? What do/did you think? I'm surrounded by these fly broads all day, and they don't give me play. Gimme some tips.

J-Zone: Yea I did, but ironically, I'm not that into porn. And I've scored music for pornos. I did all the music for a porno called Asian Bang in 2006. But when I watch it, I don't get aroused, I just fall out laughing. I like everyday regular ass chicks, not models or pornstars. I wouldn't kick them outta bed either though. Don't pay them no mind. That way, they'll pursue you to see if they still got it. That's been the only way I have any luck at all with women. When I'm on my "Don't Holla" shit and don't sweat them, just being myself. They hear that "yo shorty you look so beautiful, can I fuck?" shit all day, what makes us any different from any other dude? Just get your money and handle yours, and the rest will fall in place.

Haad: Alright Zone. I wanna say thanks for taking the time to do an interview with Godsgirls. com. Keep it grimy, hood, and all of that shit. Is there anything you need to say?

J-Zone: To all that support J-Zone, good lookin out. I appreciate. And thanks for the interview. Always wear clean drawers, so if you croak unexpectedly, you don't embarrass your family. Peace.

Check out J-Zone on myspace: http://www.myspace.com/jzoneoldmaid