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photo: audree lau
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By Veronica Gjerde
As told by Jorma, International Man of Leisure, Drums, and White Cocaine Dealer Shoes. Perhaps the only person in this world who knows Chazz Honeycutt. Hmmm....
"Jorma is a big dumb and he smells like hobo balls. I say dumbdumbdumb to the yorma." -Erin
Here comes your shitty future...
Veronica: When and where and why did The Bronx form?
Jorma: We started the band in Los Angeles in late '02. Joby (guitar) called me up when I was on tour with my old band, and told me he was starting a band called The Bronx. I was in Bakersfield (CA) at the time, so it sounded like a good idea. No one, while in Bakersfield, should be asked to perform any duty requiring rational thought.
We got our friend James come in and play bass while we were putting songs together, and he ended up joining. We were tossing around ideas for singers but once I saw Matt in Joby's other band, The Drips, I was sold. He did a flip off the stage, landing on my table, spilling 2 pitchers of beer on me and the two girls I brought to the show. I was stoked... they were not.
We just added our new guitar player, Ken Mochikoshi. He's the shit. And he's Asian. The dude pretty much just wins at life.
Okay, that was about as interesting as watching paint dry. Next!
Veronica: Who makes up The Bronx, and if you would be so kind. Tell us one embarrassing thing about each one of them, and maybe what makes them a valuable asset to your musical drive?
Jorma: Joby thinks he can "speak" to animals. No bullshit. James bought a book about how to pick up chicks and plays online scrabble. Ken wants to be Clint Eastwood. Matt went through a dark period in which he became magnetic to girls who looked like Mick Mars from Motley Crue. One tour was so hot I got heat rash and had blisters the size of quarters on my ass. Whole = (parts + parts). Math. Get into it.
Veronica: How would you describe your shitty band to those who have never had the privilege of hearing it?
Jorma: I'd tell them not to bother... the Timberlake record's the jam... go buy that shit.
Veronica: You released a new album recently. Is that your favorite to date? What are the differences between this album and such you have released in the past? Efforts that were kept in mind in writing this one?
Jorma: Is that even English? You want know the differences? We were all smoking sherm the entire time tape was rolling on this mu'fucker. Kind of like you were when you wrote this question.
Veronica: Point Taken. Tell me about your Euro Tour!!
Jorma: The UK is still full of shitty food and people with bad teeth but the shows rule. Got tooted in Holland on a riverboat. Germany was actually really fun this time now that everyone has figured out not everyone in America actually voted for Bush, and in fact most of US didn't. Vienna almost made me want to travel back in time and become a fascist, till the acid wore off and I remembered what a fascist was. Switzerland is the most beautiful place in the world. I've decided when I get old I'm gonna grow a fierce fuckin beard, start smoking a gangster load of pot and kick it in Zurich. Lakeside.
Veronica: What are your current future tour plans?
Jorma: Still working out the details. It's bad luck to talk about them before they're set in stone. That being said we're pretty stoked to be going back to Europe with Rise against next year. As GG Allin so eloquently said: "Pull out your dicks and we'll see what we can do". That quote makes no sense to this particular question, but I just like the way it rolls off the tongue. I should start doing that in interviews. Just make obscure GG Allin references the whole time... "So Jorma, how do you feel about the sales of compact discs being a fraction of what they used to be?" "I've got no problem with faggotry". WWGGD?
Veronica: Do you have a favorite venue/city/country to play?
Jorma: I wouldn't say I have one favorite. Every country is different and amazing in each of their own way. There was a venue in Belgium called La Boutanique that was gorgeous. The building was like a botanical garden/museum/arboretum. Outside were statues and hedges and fountains. The venue inside was shaped cylindrically. Like playing in a big vertical tube. Absolutely incredible.
Veronica: While your records are phenomenal, you have a reputation of coming more than correct performing live. Does your opinion differ? What do you gain from your experiences performing? How does the seemingly increase of fan base make you feel as a band?
Jorma: It's simple really. On record you try and make it sound like you're kicking people in the teeth. Live, you actually can. Hypothetically speaking of course. ;) And I'm not gonna lie, it's pretty gratifying to have people be into what you do. Art and music are special like that. You're throwing a huge part of yourself out there for public ridicule. It's pretty cool when it comes back positive.
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photo: meyers
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Veronica: Tell us some funny road stories. Duh.
Jorma: You know what I hate? "What goes on the road stays on the road." Whatever you fuckin pussies. That's cuz your party vibe is whack. I'm just having a hard time remembering them cuz I party so hard. Bro... booooosh! Haha. Riiiiight. For reals though, I dunno where to start... Okay... here's one. One time this girl comes up to me in a bar and asks if I want a strip tease. Not being a big fan of the art I tell her only if my friend can come, "it ain't no fu-u-un." Turns out the chick was a hooker but somehow we got this gem for free. So, we go in the bathroom and after a few minutes of the most awkward looking disrobing I've ever seen the bartender broke in and started screaming at the chick, "you can't do that shit in here!" Whatever. It was $10 all you can drink night and we'd already paid so we ended up staying at the bar. We make our way back to the bar and the bartender, while making our drinks, pulls her shirt open and starts pouring hot wax all over her arms and chest n shit. It was like some fucked up freak show twilight zone episode for sexual deviants. I ended up "borrowing" the hooker's sheepskin jacket, but it stunk up my bag and I had to throw it away. Bummer dude.
Veronica: Other than Hookers and Booze, why do you choose to do this?
Jorma: It's funny really. I dropped out of high school when I was 15 so I could play drums all day. Didn't think much about it, but I knew it's what I wanted to do. When you start playing though you don't really get a handbook on what it's gonna be like. I should write it.... Have fun not having any money, not being able to maintain a relationship because you're always absent from it, not having friends cuz they forget about you when you're gone for 9 months a year on tour... Syyyyyyyyyyyyke. This shit rulz. I wouldn't want to do anything else. I'm one of the luckiest people on the planet. I'm doing what I passionately love to do and getting to travel the world doing it. If I hear another jaded band dude whine about how hard it is I'm gonna fuckin puke.
Veronica: What sparked the initial relationship between you and music (personally)? Who are some of your favorite musicians?
Jorma: Zeppelin. Next.
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photo: carlisle rogers
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Veronica: What are some of your influences, and some things you could be found listening to while on the road or maybe even just at home?
Jorma: On tour I was listening to a lot of Billy Holiday. It's the perfect after show, or early morning vibe music. The new Blood Brothers record got mad play on the bus too. Oh... and the new Dan Sartain is fucking great. We're all totally addicted to Priestess now too. Their record fucking slays.
Veronica: What do you guys do when you're at home?
Jorma: This is a tough one. I used to hang with Kate and Erin everyday but they just moved (R.I.P. team shitty). I've only been home for 12 hours and I already don't know what to do with myself. I'll probably just end up cuddling with Annaliese every day.
Veronica: Is there anything brewing internally about the future for The Bronx?
Jorma: Tewer. Tewer. Tewer.
Veronica: Tell us some funny stories about ___________ (fill in the blank with God's Girls.)
Jorma: Some of my best friends shoot for the site and I've stayed with a lot of them so I've got a shit ton of stories. One that comes to mind, is one night not too long ago after a certain someone who will go unnamed left our hotel room, and in the morning our tour manager, Brian comes in, looks down at the bed, and says very matter-of-factly, "Sometimes, you just gotta gut a deer". What!?!? It could've been ketchup. You don't know.
Veronica: Who are some of your favorite nakies?
Jorma: Nakies!? You just made me feel like Uncle Bad Touch. I'm gonna go shower now.
To see more of The Bronx go:
www.myspace.com/thebronx
www.thebronxxx.com
www.myspace.com/whitedrugs
www.whitedrugs.com
